I’d like to apologise profoundly and sincerely for my opinions.

I promise to change them to your opinions.

This text is a comment on the relatively recent phenomenon of people, especially those in the public eye, having to apologise openly for comments that they’ve made (often on social media platforms such as Twitter or X). The apologies are often grovelling, and bring to mind the sort of retractions that people living under totalitarian regimes are sometimes forced to make.

Whether the apologies are actually genuine or are simply feigned is open to debate. As is wondering which of those two options is the better choice.

The closing phrase “as soon as I can stomach the hypocrisy of doing so” highlights the dilemma of having to apologise for something you actually believe in.